Blind faith the hardest part of Christianity

Well it's been at least 3 months since I've written anything and first I apologize for that because I know It has kept some people out of our loop. Honestly, I have been not blogging for 2 reasons, first things are changing everyday in our "peanut's" case and second, I am really struggling with the realities in "Patroa's" case. I have found myself in a funky kind of depression about it all, mainly because I really thought it was over! I will cover all I can in a short time for both boys.
Peanut is doing wonderful he weighs 11lbs a long way from where he began at 2. We had a follow up Ecco a couple of weeks ago and his heart defect is now minimal, so we don't have to see the cardio dr again for a year. His cleft palate surgery will be sometime between July and October 2012 and it is anticipated it will only require one repair, with some speech therapy. Also, all of his genetic tests came back normal so we are taking each delay individually with PT and OT every week.
The most exciting news in his case is that children's services has filed a permanent custody motion for him so he will be adoptable,most likely by the end of April.
While "Peanut's" case has gone smoothly, "Patroa's" unfortunately has not been so easy! His BM has been doing just enough to string along the system for another 6 mo. Our next hearing is April 9th, and luckily for us the Magistrate has given BM an ultimatum. She either has everything on her case plan done or the state will take custody of him. Everyday I pray this will be the end, because honestly I don't know how much more I can mentally handle, he is 17 mo old today and it's been a long road! It is only by God's Grace and faith in his plan that we've come this far! Please keep him in your prayers as he struggles with so much anxiety after his weekly visits with his BM, nightmares, fear, anger etc. that we have consults scheduled with a child psychologist and sleep dr over the next several weeks. All we can do is pray an end is in sight!
Well there it, all in what I call my Readers Digest version, and I promise not to wait 3 months before I make my next post.

faith and prayer

I have to start this post by trying to explain the anxiety we deal with everyday! I don't know how many readers of my blog are mothers or fathers but for those of you who are I am going to ask you to imagine with me... first remember the day you brought your tiny baby home from the hospital and on that day someone tells you - now I may come and get them in a few weeks maybe a month because there is someone else who we think can raise them better than you. So you wait and wait and they never come for him. Now fast forward to the day they turn 6 mo old, someone knocks on your door again and says Hi - I think we have found another someone else who may want your baby more than you, but we have to check them out first, well you wait 6 more months and they never come. Now your baby is having his first birthday party, and that person knocks on your door yet again and tells you - Now we have a very special person that loves your baby so much more than you ever could and they have only have to do just a few very small things and your baby will go to live with them forever and can have no say in who this person is, says or does to your baby and you will most likely never see them again! Unfortunately this is a close representation of what you "sign up" for when you foster or foster to adopt!
This is the roller coaster we have been on for the past 14 months with our dear "Patroa"! We had a court hearing on Monday and BM was given six weeks instead of the typical 90 days to get her "stuff" together or a Permanent Custody hearing will be scheduled, after which we will be able to adopt him and he will "officially" be our child- even though we have loved him in just that same way always!
I am often asked how we deal with this "drama" and all I can answer is the power of prayer and unending faith in God! So as I end this post I ask for the continued prayers of all of my blog readers for his permanency and our sanity!

Matthew 18:20
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

I also ask for prayers for our little "peanut" who is struggling to maintain  good blood pressures, so that he can come home as our next little starfish!

Not the day I was hoping for...

Well this day has not turned out like I planned or wanted!  Patroa's BM came for his visit ;( .... Hopefully it will be short lived, also found out that our CASA cannot make a motion for Permanent Custody - only children's services (which because of our SW will not happen), but hopefully the new magistrate can or will make a decision, but if not I guess we will just wait it out till January! We also found out this afternoon that our Peanut cannot come home today because of high blood pressures. He is having an Renal ultrasound this afternoon and we pray for normal or fixable results! I know everyone here is ready to cuddle him! So I will head back to the hospital tonight while Daddy does basketball tryouts! Busy day tomorrow Nicholas and Nathan both have football and Gabbi has soccer on Sunday, never a dull moment!

Long Time No Post, but new news!

 Mr. Patroa sat on our laptop several weeks ago, so my blog has been at the mercy of borrowed computers, well that time is no longer. THANK GOODNESS! Many things have happened in the Gordon house since my last post - we have gotten the call for our next little STARFISH.... He is still in the NICU, but will hopefully be home before the weekend. We were called last Thursday and given the "laundry list" of issues with our precious new "peanut" as I call him, and asked if we wanted the placement. How could we turn down the challenge of a baby boy, who truly needs us??? Born at 27 weeks, with 2 heart defects and a cleft palate, plus addicted to Meth- he has a long journey but one we can't wait to take with him! I went to visit him for the first time last Thursday and I must admit I cried the entire 45 min drive home. I sat and stared at the empty walls of his little "cubicle", while all the others were filled with pictures and homemade artwork. I then realized he was dressed in a faded and tattered hospital undershirt, which made me even more upset. This was all followed by the news from nurses that he never has any visitors other than the "cuddle team volunteers". All I could think was Lord, I know why you are giving me this baby, to prove me wrong about not being able to attach to another child until my "Patroa's" situation is finalized. HE got me! It was love at first cuddle! Hopefully before the weekend is over we will have our little "peanut" home even if he comes with a feeding tube, and lots of worries - I know all he needs is love and prayers to grow big and strong!
Now on to Mr. Patroa... we are in month 12 of 22, which in the foster care world is HUGE! A child must be in Childrens Services custody for 12 consecutive months before the county can file for permanet custody of them, which allows them to be adopted. His birth mom has not visited him in over a month, as well as she is not completing any of  the other tasks of her case plan, so hopefully somoeone will suggest filing for Patroa's PC at our next hearing Monday October 24th...Prayers PLEASE!
As for Nicholas, Gabbi and Nathan football and soccer seasons are coming to a close, as much as I love to watch them play I must admit that I am looking forward to maybe a week or two of solitude before basketball season for all 3 begins - yes I said all 3, Gabbi is going to play basketball, WOW, I know!
So as I end this post, I ask for your prayers for our little peanut's health and for our sweet, sweet spoiled Patroa's permancy in our family!

An uneventful but peaceful Sunday

Well it was a pretty uneventful day at our house, which was much needed after last night! "Patroah" as we lovingly call him, was up most of the night, between 2 breathing treatments and one huge puke Mommy and Daddy slept very little! But, I think now we are finally turning the corner - THANK GOD!

Gabbi spent the day at Nana and Papa's and then went to dinner at Frishes with Mamaw and Papa, while Nicholas and Nathan played XBOX and watched football with Jonathan, well listened to the Bengals WIN!It was nice to have one football win this weekend - Nicholas and Nathan's teams both lost their football games Saturday plus Gabbi's team lost their soccer game as well, but they did score their first goal!

Well I must wrap this up as it is time for bed! Let's hope for at least 3 hours sleep!

Some of the hard lessons of being a Christian

I know being a Christian is never easy, so sometimes I have to  remember the quick reminder my old boss at Villiage Christian used to say, when he saw anyone struggle with this .....We are in this world, not of this world.
Thursday, was one step closer to the end of a long road for our family, eventually I will be able to post so much more about that, but for now lets just say BM is not doing what she should.....

We also had to make a decision this week that hurts so deeply inside I cannot describe, but sometimes you must kick your little baby birds out of the nest, so you can see if they will fly on their own!

On this cold Saturday morning I sit here, snuggle with my sleepy baby boy refelecting on this past week and enjoy a moment of quiet before the normal rat race of soccer and football starts in a few short hours!

Why Blog?

A while back I decided I needed to start blogging (thanks Michelle), mainly because one day during a conversation with her, I had a realization.....very few people can truly understand the daily struggles and rejoices that being a foster family brings! When we took our preservice training classes we were told by the instructor that when you tell others you are going to foster, you will get one of two responses.... Oh my goodness how wonderful, what angels you are! or... Oh my, are you sure you want to do that, why??
Well, no matter what we were told by others, December 23rd 2009 we took our first placement and almost 2 years and 5 babies later, we're still here doing what we were called by HIM to do! Most days are wonderful, but somedays I sit all day with tears welled up in my eyes - asking HIM why me!!! We normally have 2 babies, my friends kid me that I get one to 10mo. and they send me another - and I think I like it that way! haha! But currently, we only have 1 placement my chunky monkey (13months), who we've had since he was 2 days old, hopefully soon he will officially be ours, but only God knows that plan! So for now we wait until that phone rings again with our next little starfish, hence the title of this Blog...we are all God's children and everyone deserves a chance to be "saved"!